Monday 1st December

Ahoy fans!
Am now back at Chilham, and although enormously flattered by my lovely fan mail, I think this blog has done its job!
At its conception, I sort of thought it would just be a good way to steer away lots of phone calls to Stuart, but I'm delighted to see that it took on a whole life of its own through Charlotte's excellent reports.
Just to be proud mother for a second, what Charlotte didn't tell you all is that the last day I was in hospital she heard that she had got a merit in her Msc degree in Political Communication - so she's now going to combine looking after me with starting to look for a job - Obviously not at all an easy call right now.
I'm feeling fine, and doing a bit more each day - stit
ches out on thursday, and should be back to exactly how I was before by Christmas.
Anyway,
Am signing out now, back to boring old emails ....
all the best,
Tessa

Day Seven

I've been a flakey daughter today just spending a couple of hours with Mummy. I knew she was in high spirits when I arrived because a nice man in charge of re-doing the private wing (don't they know there's a RECESSION on?) and wanted to have feedback on the food. Ma was all over it launching into problems with the menu, the food keys, the omlettes, the serving times... Don't think they were expecting to get such an earfull. Or perhaps they might do that on purpose. I'm sure I heard once somewhere of no repute that people with control and responsibility in their lives live longer and healthier. Mummy was the glowing picture of health after this little meeting/rant. She even got upgraded from polyester cups to a real glass. I'm not sure if this was a reward or an attempt to placate the Angry Woman of Room 15.

She really does look good now. We're off home tomorrow. The furniture removal van (Daddy's car) is coming and then we'll be off. I don't know what this means for me. Dangerously there's the tannoy style communication device at home which means I'll be on call all day and night. When Sarah was at home with her leg in plaster there was a walkie-talkie device. This didn't work so well when Mummy switched hers off while Sarah was in the bath leaving her immobile daughter to shrivel prune-like for an hour and a half. Twice. Luckily for Mummy she's mobile so there'll be no Baby Jane situations.

Tomorrow will be the last day of the Royal Free. We bid farewell to the heavenly place of 15 minute lift journeys, plethora of hand sanitizers attached to every door, bed and nurse, mini Mosques in the corridors, and heated intellectual debates about the virtues of Eastenders versus The Archers. Obama's face will no longer adorn the window of room 15 which can be seen for miles around. The bug ridden carpet will no longer haunt the hygiene frenzied nurses in their sleep.
Hello Carleton and widescreen tele.

So this is my last blog entry. Ma will take it from here and I'm pretty sure it's heading for deletion.

Cheerio, Charlotte

Wrong days - I mean Day Six

Bollocks silly me got all the days confused. I've registered two day fours which makes today's entry day six. Not that this really matters one squit.

Day Five

Hmm. Well there's really not all that much to update. Swap with day four's blog entry pedi for mani, fussy for bossy, Miles for Annette, Georgie and Penny and you're pretty much on top of things.

Mummy continues to look better and better. I always think she looks great every morning but by the next she looks even better. She's now totally tube free. And zimmerframe free. Sarah took her on her walk today - a free woman! And food! Well she eats things. She was happy with my smoothie choice today (phew) and then there was turkey mince (urgh!) and a 'fruit segments' which she had an argument with the poor food lady about (another sign of progress in recuperation). I have a very acute illness: Lazysomethinglatin. Despite my best intentions to be tending at my Mother's bedside at all hours I'm afraid this infliction limits me. Mornings are particularly diffiicult for me where I'm bedbound so this morning, well, that's lying, this afternoon - I didn't get there till after midday.

Mummy enjoyed her minced turkey lunch (oh Carleton oh Carleton) while I had my breakfast. Then Mother expertly laid in bed fast asleep but with her arms contorted for manicure precision. She's a full scarlet woman now: toes and fingers. We've been offered the ward 'suite' which is HUGE with a perfect London wide view but humble Mummy (after working out the complicated logistics of furniture removal and redec II the whole thing sounding a big fat bore) has opted for keeping with her cosy spot. She's almost certain to be released (I think the word is discharged but long enough at hospital with a cuisinary highlight of microwaved-from-frozen-and-dipped-in-crude-milky-sauce haddock legitimises 'release') on Thursday morning. The 'Prof' thinks she'll be up riding horses again after Christmas. So all this saga really means is a couple of weeks off the hunting season and the Christmas shopping done online (again, phew!). Meanwhile I'm intent on teaching her everything she's refused for a decade: how to text, how to blog, how to use gmail, how to work the radio, how to everything... so really it's doing the world a favour. My mother is going to emerge tumourless and somewhat technically ept. Then perhaps Ma could teach Pa... PAAAHHH.

The nurse situation has been particularly crap today. Elma, competent and fine. Not nasty. Not smelly. A pronouncable name. A pleasant personality. Really boring - nothing to complain, rename or rave about.

Thanks again for all the messages. We just got all the chilham domain name emails forwarded on - THANK YOU! There are so many and it really cheers up the morning (/midday) routine.

Charlotte

Day Four

It seems that everytime I write on this blog it's either the middle of the night or I've had a drink. I'm afraid neither is an excuse for what appears to be Mummy's spelling mistake below. That was just me being lazy this morning. So no, Mummy doesn't think she's writing on a 'blod' and does fully understand that it is a 'blog' - my bad. This time Mummy insisted I drank half a bottle of Champagne with Sarah before I left which Miles Ponsonby brought with him. Thank you Miles although I blame you for the coming spelling mistakes.

Today has been somewhat eventful. Early this morning Mummy had her epidural out. Then in the afternoon she had the drip out leaving her with just the rather undignified catheter. This means she's much more mobile, and without the epidural, a lot livelier. She's been complaining about the efficiency of the administration, the flavour of the smoothie I bought her, fussing about the way we do things around the room, who waters the flowers, how we arrange the chairs... Not sure I didn't prefer her when she was rather more docile and out of it. No, it's great to see her a bit sparkier even if it does mean that I'll be kept on my toes from now until recovery. Speaking of which, the surgeon (or 'the Prof' as all the staff members call him) came to see her twice today. He's very pleased with her progress and aiming to release her on Wednesday. It's very far from certain that she will be released then but things are definitely looking good. She still sleeps a lot - before and/or after any visitors, meals and get ups to the chair. The medical highlight of the day was the walk we took. Great timing meant that at 6.45pm she had a real reason to make the whole 40m look round in relative speed so as to be back in time for The Archers. She's quite the sight in her Moroccan kaftan and zimmerframe with attached catheter. Also meant she got a good nose at her neighbours: there was the Portugese woman with the husband who speaks too loudly on the phone next to Ma's door, there is the crazy old lady who whimpers from time to time, that's where all the nurses sit round for a gossip etc.

The nonmedical highlight was the pedicure. Well, at least I hope it was a highlight for Mummy. I gave her an hour long pedi which I don't think was in the original job description as personal assisting nurse. The advantage of doing it in a hospital was that I could use as many disposable, medically hygienic gloves as I liked. And boy did I. Mummy got so worried about me being unecological that she started to taunt me that she'd seen people spitting in the gloves. Quite bizarre. Anyway, my Mother now has nicer feet than I do. Well, they were nicer than my ghostly white Daddy shaped feet before the pedi anyway. We went with scarlett red nail varnish to spice up her otherwise rather invalid look. Tomorrow if we have time between visitors, sleeps and washes, we might fit in a manicure.

Sarah has stolen my hypochondriac crown by insisting the nurse do her blood pressure, pulse and oxygen levels. There was no feigning her disappointment when, when pressed, the nurse really did have to insist that they were perfectly normal with nothing to worry about. How Mummy bought up two such hypos I don't know. This was all administered by a nurse with a long Nigerian name which I'm afraid I can't remember. Needless to say, on pronounciation Mummy said: 'I think I'll just call you Ollie'.
Nurse: 'Oh well, some people call me Tini (or something)'
Mummy: 'Yes, Ollie'.
The nurse looked rather pleased with her new macho nickname. Mummy thought she was a bit too timid earlier but maybe she'll rise to the challenge now.

Weird really - I feel like the day has been jam packed but once I write it all down it doesn't really amount to much. As always, she's very grateful for all the messages.

Charlotte

from Tessa

Hi Everyone,

I'm v. proud of my idea of this blod and of Charlotte who is doing such a good job of updating and replying to emails etc.

Am still feeling quite dodgey the majority of the time, but things should improve tomorrow - Monday - when they hope to take out the epidural.

Nurses have all been sweet - and I love the comments and emails - the only hi tech part of this communication that doesn't work is that the lap top I brought here not only will not connect to internet, but won't download onto a stick - Charlotte says its riddled with viruses.

But this works fine so lets leave as is.

Love Tessa

Day Four

Today has been fairly uneventful. I only arrived late in the afternoon as the rest of the family and the Pattersons kept her entertained throughout the day. She was out of bed once before I arrived but the nurses 'let her off' this afternoon on account of it being Sunday (I wasn't aware that the body observed religious days but what do I know). Tomorrow is a big day since she'll be coming off the epidural which means she'll be a bit more awake and have sensation of her stomach. Daddy thinks the best way to measure her progress is by the note on the outside of her door. It started 'NIL BY MOUTH' to 'Fluids only' and now we're at the 'Light soft foods only'.

She's scribbled something down for the blog which I stupidly left downstairs in Pa's locked car who is now asleep. Will add tomorrow morning.

Charlotte